What Is a Wedding Wishing Well? NZ Guide - How Much to Give
If you've received a wedding invitation in New Zealand and noticed a reference to a wishing well, you might be wondering what's appropriate to give. Cash gifts at NZ weddings are completely normal — in fact, they're the dominant gift format for most couples here. But figuring out the right amount still causes plenty of guests uncertainty.
This guide covers NZ wishing well culture, typical gift ranges by relationship type, and what to do in a few common situations like plus-ones and destination weddings.
What Is a Wedding Wishing Well?
A wedding wishing well is a way for guests to give money instead of physical gifts — the couple asks for cash contributions toward a shared goal rather than items from a traditional registry. In New Zealand the term usually refers to a decorative box or container at the reception where guests place envelopes of cash or cards. These days "wishing well" just as often means a digital version: a link the couple shares before the day so guests can contribute online.
The idea is simple. Instead of buying a household item the couple may not need, you contribute toward something they actually want — a honeymoon, a house deposit or home renovations. Some couples take this further and set up the best cash gift registry with group gifting and partial contributions, where several guests can pool together toward one bigger experience and each person gives any amount they like.
In short: a wishing well is a polite, well-understood way of saying "your presence is the gift, but if you'd like to give something, cash is genuinely welcome." It carries no obligation and no fixed amount — guests are free to give what suits their relationship with the couple and their own budget.
The name comes from the old custom of making a wish while dropping a coin into a well. At a wedding it keeps that gentle, no-pressure spirit: there's no price tag attached, no public tally, and no expectation that any one guest gives more than they comfortably can. Whether the couple uses a physical box on the night or a digital link shared in advance, the etiquette is the same — and the rest of this guide walks through exactly how much New Zealand guests typically give.
Wishing Well Culture in New Zealand
The wishing well tradition at NZ weddings is well established. Rather than maintaining a physical registry of items, most New Zealand couples ask guests to contribute cash or gift cards to a "wishing well" — originally a decorative box or container at the venue where guests could place envelopes of cash or cards.
In recent years, digital wishing wells have become increasingly common. Instead of (or alongside) a physical box, couples share a link to an online wishing well where guests can contribute before or on the day using their phone, Apple Pay or card.
The shift to digital hasn't changed the etiquette much — guests are still giving cash gifts, just more conveniently.
Typical Gift Amounts in New Zealand
Gift amounts vary depending on your relationship to the couple, the nature of the wedding, and your own financial situation. As a general guide (not a hard rule — no couple should expect a specific amount):
Close friends and immediate family: Typically more than other guests. A close friendship or sibling relationship often warrants a more generous contribution that reflects the significance of the occasion and the closeness of the relationship.
Colleagues and acquaintances: Contributions from workplace colleagues or acquaintances are typically more modest, reflecting a friendly gesture rather than a close personal relationship.
Mutual friends (not your closest circle): Somewhere between the two — enough to feel meaningful without being as significant as what you'd give to a best friend or family member.
These are general indicators, not fixed expectations. What matters is that the gift feels meaningful relative to your relationship with the couple and is within your means.
Do You Count the Cost of Your Attendance?
Some guests try to contribute enough to "cover their plate" — that is, offset roughly the per-head cost the couple is paying for the reception. While this is a common rule of thumb in some cultures, it's less established in New Zealand.
A simpler approach: give what you can comfortably afford and what feels right for your relationship. Couples in New Zealand generally understand that different guests have different financial situations, and the fact that you attended and celebrated with them is itself meaningful.
Plus-One Etiquette
If you're attending with a partner, contributing as a couple is perfectly normal — a single contribution from both of you that reflects a couple's attendance is standard practice. You don't need to make two separate contributions.
Destination Weddings and Travel-Heavy Events
If you've spent a significant amount on travel, accommodation or time off work to attend a destination wedding, it's perfectly reasonable to give a smaller wishing well contribution than you might otherwise. Couples who ask guests to travel for their wedding understand the cost involved.
If you're attending a destination wedding but cannot be there in person, a thoughtful wishing well contribution in lieu of a gift is a considerate gesture.
Digital Wishing Wells in New Zealand
Many NZ couples now include a link to their digital wishing well on their wedding website or in their invitation suite. If the couple is using a platform like PocketWell, guests can contribute in NZD using their phone, Apple Pay or credit card — no need to find an ATM or deal with cash.
From a guest's perspective, digital wishing wells are convenient: you can contribute before the wedding, from anywhere, and the couple can see and acknowledge contributions in their own time. For couples, digital wishing wells mean no cash to manage on the day and a clean record of who gave what.
If you prefer to give cash on the day, most couples also have a physical card box or wishing well at the venue — it's perfectly acceptable to do either.
What If You Can't Contribute Much?
Not every guest is in the same financial position. If you're a student, early in your career, or you've spent significantly to attend the wedding, a smaller contribution is completely appropriate. Showing up, celebrating with the couple, and being present is what matters most.
If you feel self-conscious about a smaller contribution, accompanying it with a heartfelt card makes it feel more personal and thoughtful.
What Couples Actually Want
Couples who choose a wishing well over a physical registry have typically made that decision because:
- They already have most household items
- They want flexibility to use funds for their honeymoon, home deposit or other priorities
- They're getting married later in life and don't need traditional registry items
- They want to simplify the gift experience for guests
The most common things NZ couples put their wishing well funds toward are honeymoon experiences, house deposits, renovations, and travel. When couples share this context with guests, it often makes contributors feel better about giving cash — knowing it's going toward something specific makes the gift feel more meaningful.
Setting Up a Digital Wishing Well as a NZ Couple
If you're a New Zealand couple setting up a wishing well, PocketWell supports NZD payouts directly to your New Zealand bank account. Guests can contribute in NZD using card, Apple Pay or Google Pay. Setup takes about two minutes, and you get a shareable link and QR code to include with your invitations or wedding website.